Liar.

1

5 months is nothing. Before you know it, we’ll be hitting 50 years.

Ethan Katzenmeyer.

1

..and I had never wanted him more.

He was a jerk to me, a complete asshole. He didn’t care about the tears pouring down my face or my cheeks’ intense redness from the rage inside of me. He left me standing there in the middle of the room, because of a fucking football game. Evidently, I “got in his face”.

He came back five minutes later to retrieve his t-shirt that my friend was wearing. He approached me, and I screamed such vulgar language that I need not repeat it. I explained to him that I was done. I didn’t need him. I didn’t want to feel like that for one more minute. He began to realize what he had done, and he begged me not to leave. I couldn’t…I wouldn’t…would I? He’s been there for me so much, I don’t know if I could have taken the agony of driving home knowing that he would never be in my arms again. I left him on a sad-stricken note, knowing that I was to return the next morning.

Before school this morning, I met him at our usual “spot”. As soon as I opened the passenger door of his truck, I knew he understood. He began to cry. Pleading for me not to hate him for what he had done. I couldn’t help myself. I couldn’t stop replaying the things he had said last night over and over again in my mind. He took me to school from there, and I never even said my usual “I love you.”. I didn’t realize this until I entered the classroom.

He must have known I was hurting, for shortly after the lecture began, he text me multiple amounts of messages exclaiming his feelings and how much he needed me in his life. I began to cry. I put my head down, and fell asleep. I could get the notes from a friend, I just couldn’t handle it today.

Every class that I entered, I couldn’t help but think about the way he would look at me between classes last year, before he graduated. He would make my heart feel like it was going to burst out of my chest. He was my best friend, my lover. I couldn’t let him go. I just couldn’t. I left school at my usual time, 12:20. Upon my arrival home, I began watching “teen mom”. I called him before I took my daily nap, and explained that I would see him after he got off work so we could talk.

The anticipation of 5:00 was killing me.

He called me as soon as he got home and asked me where I was. I was already halfway to his house by this time. As soon as I got to his house, I ran up to his room. He approached me with open arms and warm kisses. I began to think how nice it was to know that he still loves me just as much as he did last year.

He ran his fingers down my back, grazing my tattoo with care. Forcibly pressing me up against the wall. I had never wanted him more. He’s the love of my life. The one I’ve been waiting so long for. We escaped into a world of ecstasy. “make-up sex”, if you’d like.

After we had both achieved “that moment”, he laid his head against my chest. The beads of sweat racing down his back made perfect tessalational patterns. He told me that I was the most beautiful girl I had ever met, and that was it. I’ve been called many things, but he is the first man to call me beautiful. I began to cry again. He apologized over and over, while tears were pouring down towards his well-defined chest. I wiped his tears away and told him to hush. Everything was okay. We were okay.

We laid there for hours, until it was time for me to go home. I had a lot of homework to do. [and I had to watch guy code]. I couldn’t express to you more how much tonight meant for me. Throughout all of the tears, snide remarks, and cuss words, we’re still okay….better than okay, actually. And that means he is still to hold me in his arms again tomorrow.

1

I fucking dare you.

2

Morning time.

I honestly hate mornings. Not for the usual reasons that most people do. I don’t mind waking up. I’m actually a very happy morning person. But to watch my heart walk out the door honestly hurts. I know he has a job, and he can’t just miss it. But I would love to spend an average day with him just lying in the bed next to me. That seems to only happen on the weekends, though. If even. I honestly worry sometimes. “Will he make it home?” “What if he has a wreck?” “What if he gets injured on the job?”. All of these thoughts racing through my mind as I listen to the roar of his tailpipes escape through the gate near the end of the driveway. I’ve never been so totally in love. Not just puppy-love. Not some junior high bullshit. But in love. Actually caring about someone and having someone care about me. It’s a wonderful feeling. And it’s also wonderful knowing that this feeling will be with me forever.

1

Mothers are supposed to want to support you in every way possible. They’re supposed to teach you how to do your makeup and your hair. They’re supposed to help you with boy problems. They’re supposed to actually care. I don’t have any of this.. No, my mother is not dead nor disabled. She is the most neglecting person ever when it comes to me. She’s never done any of these things for me. Hell, she doesn’t even give me a good home to live in. She doesn’t WANT to support me, buy my food, my clothes, or anything for that matter. And yes, she has actually told me these things. I’m never home. And people wonder why. Well, maybe it’s because this house is not a home. I can’t even act my age around her. I can’t have this cute little mini dresses that everyone else is wearing. I can’t buy that cute shirt that another girl got from hollister because I have no one that wants to get it for me.

Therefore I don’t appreciate the crude comments given to me by people woo barely even know me. Yes, my hair is fried because I constantly feel like I need to better myself, so I dye it. Yes, I’m losing some weight, but I’m not on cocaine. Maybe she just can’t put groceries on the table. Or doesn’t want to, rather. And yes, my makeup looks like shit most of the time because I can’t afford expensive shit.

But all of these things don’t even matter. All that matters is that some people in this world judge someone way too early in the stage of acquainting.

And you know what I say to them?
FUCK YOU.

2

I’m so tired of being put down by my own mother. I understand that she’s home from camp Shelby, but please, stop considering me as an abomination next to her.

1